The Truth About the “Naughty or Nice” List: It’s Actually Two Clauses

For centuries, parents have warned children about the fabled Naughty or Nice List. The story goes like this: Santa Claus checks it twice, decides which one you’re on, and gifts accordingly. Be good, and you get toys. Be bad, and you get coal.

Well, friends, I’m here to blow the reindeer whistle on this whole myth. The truth is, there’s no single list. In fact, there are two entirely separate Clauses—and they’ve been running parallel Christmas operations for years.

Meet Santa Claus

Santa Claus is exactly who you think he is—jolly, bearded, fond of cookies, and constantly humming “Jingle Bells” in three different keys at once. His list is the Nice List. This is the list we all know: the one that gets you shiny presents, cozy pajamas, and maybe that video game you’ve been dropping hints about since July.

Santa runs a tight ship at the North Pole, complete with elf HR meetings, sled maintenance schedules, and gingerbread cookie quality control. But here’s where the plot twist comes in…

Introducing Somethin’ Claus

Somethin’ Claus is Santa’s mischievous cousin twice removed on Mrs. Claus’s side. If you’re naughty—cheating in Monopoly, eating the last cookie and blaming the dog, or “accidentally” forgetting to clean your room for three weeks—you don’t go on Santa’s list.

You go on Somethin’ Claus’s List.

Somethin’ Claus doesn’t do coal. Oh no, that’s too old-fashioned. Instead, everyone on his list gets… well… a little somethin’. Could be a gag gift, could be oddly practical, could be downright confusing. Naughty kids have reported receiving:

• One sock (just one)

• A jar of pickles wearing sunglasses

• A kazoo that only plays “It’s a Small World”

• A framed picture of someone else’s family

• An air freshener that smells like Brussels sprouts

• 
  

Somethin’ Claus believes in the spirit of chaotic generosity. He’s not here to punish—he’s here to keep you guessing.

The Logistics of Two Clauses

The Claus cousins coordinate their deliveries carefully. Santa comes down the chimney first with the big-ticket gifts, then Somethin’ Claus swings by with his peculiar surprises. That’s why sometimes you find a perfectly wrapped bike… and, next to it, a stuffed squirrel wearing a Hawaiian shirt.

Parents have long suspected something strange when their “naughty” child still wakes up to something under the tree. Now we know why. It’s not that Santa went soft—it’s that Somethin’ Claus showed up.

The Big Takeaway

So, the next time you tell your kids to behave because “Santa is watching,” remember this: Even if they don’t make Santa’s Nice List, they’ll still get a little Somethin’.

And honestly, that’s part of the magic. Whether it’s a shiny new toy or a rubber chicken in a top hat, Christmas morning is about surprise, laughter, and the joy of wondering, “What on Earth is this?”

All adults are Somethin' Claus list because do you really think you can be nice enough to get that Lamborghini?